Time again for the annual ‘Stella Awards’!
For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named
after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on
herself and successfully sued the McDonald’s in New
Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took
the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while
she was driving. Who would ever think one could get
burned doing that, right? That’ s right; these are
awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the
U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your
head. So keep your head scratcher handy.
Here are the Stellas for the past year:
*SEVENTH PLACE*
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by
a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a
toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store
owners were understandably surprised by the verdict,
considering the running toddler was her own son.
Start scratching!
* SIXTH PLACE *
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000
plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand
with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn’t notice
there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying
to steal h is neighbor’s hubcaps.
Scratch some more…
* FIFTH PLACE *
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was
leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the
garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door
opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to
open. Worse, he couldn’t re-enter the house because the
door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson
pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count ‘em,
EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of
dry dog food, he sued the homeowner’s insurance company
claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the
insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish.
We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching.
There are more…
Double hand scratching after this one..
*FOURTH PLACE*
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th
Place in the Stella’s when he was awarded $14,500 plus
medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next
door neighbor’s beagle – even though the beagle was on a
chain in its owner’s fenced yard. Williams did not get
as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle
might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite
because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard
and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun..
Pick a new spot to scratch, you’re getting a bald spot..
* THIRD PLACE *
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury
ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after
she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone.
The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had
thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an
argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for
their own actions?
Only two more so ease up on the scratching….
*SECOND PLACE*
Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a
night club in a nearby city because she fell from the
bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front
teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through
the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover
charge, the jury said the nig ht club had to pay her
$12,000….oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.
Ok. Here we go!!
* FIRST PLACE *
This year’s runaway First Place Stella Award winner
was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma,
who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first
trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the
freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly
left the driver’s seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich.
Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not
putting in the owner’s manual that she couldn’t actually leave the driver’s seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you, sitting down?
$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually
changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case
Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor
home
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”
The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right.”
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new pastor in town.
I’d like for you to come to church on Sunday. I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”
The little boy replied with a chuckle, “Awww, come on. You don’t even know the way to the Post Office.”
New Supermarket
A new supermarket opened in Denver . It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh sown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. – Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. – George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. – Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. – Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. – Rodney Dangerfield
Money can’t buy you happiness … But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP . – Joe Namath
I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon . Then it’s time for my nap. – Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. – W. C. Fields
We could certainly slow the ageing process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. – Winston Churchill
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. – Billy Crystal
And the cardiologist’s diet: – If it tastes good, spit it out.
Joke of the day!
A contestant Sally, on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’ had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected the Million Dollar question was no pushover.
It was, ‘Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline.. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.
She hoped she would not have to use it because…….. Her friend was, well, a blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly: ‘That’s easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo.’
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, ‘C: The cuckoo.’
‘Is that your final answer?’
‘Yes, that is my final answer.’
‘That answer is Absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!’
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. ‘Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you, ‘ said the contestant. ‘How did you happen to know the right answer?’
‘Oh, come on,’ said the blonde ‘Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks.’
![[Google]]( http://larrydkeen.com/wp-content/plugins/easy-adsenser/google-light.gif)
Just For Fun
Time again for the annual ‘Stella Awards’!
For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named
after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on
herself and successfully sued the McDonald’s in New
Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took
the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while
she was driving. Who would ever think one could get
burned doing that, right? That’ s right; these are
awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the
U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your
head. So keep your head scratcher handy.
Here are the Stellas for the past year:
*SEVENTH PLACE*
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by
a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a
toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store
owners were understandably surprised by the verdict,
considering the running toddler was her own son.
Start scratching!
* SIXTH PLACE *
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000
plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand
with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn’t notice
there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying
to steal h is neighbor’s hubcaps.
Scratch some more…
* FIFTH PLACE *
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was
leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the
garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door
opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to
open. Worse, he couldn’t re-enter the house because the
door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson
pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count ‘em,
EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of
dry dog food, he sued the homeowner’s insurance company
claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the
insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish.
We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching.
There are more…
Double hand scratching after this one..
*FOURTH PLACE*
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th
Place in the Stella’s when he was awarded $14,500 plus
medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next
door neighbor’s beagle – even though the beagle was on a
chain in its owner’s fenced yard. Williams did not get
as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle
might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite
because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard
and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun..
Pick a new spot to scratch, you’re getting a bald spot..
* THIRD PLACE *
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury
ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after
she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone.
The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had
thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an
argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for
their own actions?
Only two more so ease up on the scratching….
*SECOND PLACE*
Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a
night club in a nearby city because she fell from the
bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front
teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through
the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover
charge, the jury said the nig ht club had to pay her
$12,000….oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.
Ok. Here we go!!
* FIRST PLACE *
This year’s runaway First Place Stella Award winner
was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma,
who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first
trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the
freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly
left the driver’s seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich.
Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not
putting in the owner’s manual that she couldn’t actually leave the driver’s seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you, sitting down?
$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually
changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case
Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor
home
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”
The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right.”
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new pastor in town.
I’d like for you to come to church on Sunday. I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”
The little boy replied with a chuckle, “Awww, come on. You don’t even know the way to the Post Office.”
New Supermarket
A new supermarket opened in Denver . It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh sown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. – Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. – George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. – Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. – Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. – Rodney Dangerfield
Money can’t buy you happiness … But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP . – Joe Namath
I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon . Then it’s time for my nap. – Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. – W. C. Fields
We could certainly slow the ageing process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. – Winston Churchill
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. – Billy Crystal
And the cardiologist’s diet: – If it tastes good, spit it out.
Joke of the day!
A contestant Sally, on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’ had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected the Million Dollar question was no pushover.
It was, ‘Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline.. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.
She hoped she would not have to use it because…….. Her friend was, well, a blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly: ‘That’s easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo.’
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, ‘C: The cuckoo.’
‘Is that your final answer?’
‘Yes, that is my final answer.’
‘That answer is Absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!’
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. ‘Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you, ‘ said the contestant. ‘How did you happen to know the right answer?’
‘Oh, come on,’ said the blonde ‘Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks.’
Sally fainted!
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